Dear Lady O - put on the kettle!

Dear Lady O,
I so appreciate your concern. As usual, you have shown your deep affection and concern for my circumstances. I must confide something to you of a very personal nature. I have recently visited my doctor here in America who has informed me he is most concerned I am suffering from some rare type of personality disorder (I am shocked and, of course, a bit put off by his tone. He feels my condition has given rise to confusion regarding my actually identity. It seems, my dear, at times I get myself confused with that aggravating Kartika woman, and somehow, my life has become intertwined, if you will, with hers. It seems from your recent letter that you may share my doctor's concern. Yes, it is true, some woman named Michele is residing at my small cottage, and has forced me to put my art studio in my dining room. She brings home Dove bars (quite tasty, I must admit)at night, and we watch Netflick videos about a serial killer named Dexter (quite engrossing if I do say so!) Now, my dear, I know this does not sound like me at all. As you know, my taste is extremely refined, and my doctor is quite concerned. Also, I have found myself sending e-cards to that Maggie person (I think she's a communist - aren't all film-makers these days? And, I have only made tea once in the last week. I know, my dear, you will be most shocked to hear this, and I warn you to put your kettle on and get your china out before pressing on.
In addition to these horrors, Libbett has been showing up again (I do seem to remember some problems with her in the distant past regarding peanut butter and sunflower seeds, oh well!) During times such as these, we always rely on our closest and dearest of friends, and I remain confident you will not forsake me. Would you mind dropping everything to come quickly to my rescue. The Michele person will soon be returning to her dismal abode, and your room will be ready and waiting.

In the service of our Beloved Queen,
Lady Betsy